Why do we shout when we argue?

This topic is a tough one for me because I want to learn as much as I can about this oddity in our lives. I don’t profess to have all the answers, and I am really hoping that you, my readers, will help to make this discussion a full and enlightening one by contributing your own views. Please remember you can contribute anonymously if you don’t want to the readers to associate your comments to you.

So what makes people shout or yell when they are arguing with another person. Let me set the boundaries; I am referring to arguments during normal discussions and debate, not arguments due to a fight or something negative. I hope you get it, or you can just envision a group of friends discussing some national issues, or even the premier league, and suddenly a debate starts over some finer details. You can hardly ever see a quiet discussion, rather you will be inundated with noises and all kinds of yelling. Why does this happen?

It does not matter who we are up against, there is always that tendency to get negatively over-excited and we show this by yelling. We could be correcting a toddler, or asserting ourselves in a debate with our spouses; or even trying to provide some superior points in a ‘debate’ with buddies, the end result is that we most times begin to yell or bawl during these scenarios.

So what makes us yell or raise our voices against erstwhile buddies or lovers, or even kids and parents? Some points include Fear, Anger, Dominant Spirit, exasperation, establishing authority; etc.

Here, I will put forward some of my own reasons. I need you to please put yours forward, and I hope we can do this without yelling at one another (laffs).

Let’s start from our cultural upbringing and social background; some people are born and brought up to shout in order to assert themselves. They know no other way; it has to be violent and noisy to make sense. They are taught to subdue the other party; to not let them talk. In fact, they are told that to shout them to silence is how you win the argument. So folks like that grow up to turn every conversation or a debate into a brawl. They must have their way, and they must win. The logic of their argument usually does not matter, the only that matter is that they must be seen to have won.

I think there is something innately wrong when we cannot win an argument with superior thoughts and presentation of facts, without having to struggle and shout and name call. If we cannot objectively consider the diversity of opinion and win people to our way of thinking with persuasion and conviction rather than subjugation and dominance, then we are perhaps dealing with immaturity.

Some cultures are not as assertive as others, and if we are in a debate with people from that type of culture, it will be wrong to think that they have accepted our way of thinking or our basis of  argument just because we were able to yell louder. People who do not like confrontation will quickly ‘succumb’ to the louder party in an argument, but it does not mean that they have accepted to go the person’s way.

Once again, let me be clear that I am not even talking about argument that comes out of an anger situation here. I am referring to how discussions get to the point where different individuals have different opinions and to land the discussion, an agreement needs to be had about which direction to go. The way people argue their points in these situations usually leaves more to be desired.

So does upbringing, personal traits, maturity, or finesse have anything to do with the way we argue? If you listen to the radio or watch the TV and you hear or see the way Nigerians typically discuss issues, and compare that with the way people from other culture do it, you will be a bit alarmed with the Nigerian version of an adult conversation. You will see saliva flying across the room; you will hear people use derogatory words, or attack personalities; you will see people cutting into the other person’s speech and you are likely to see a lot of finger pointing and other obscenities.

People often go violent during objective debates. Our politicians have the laurels in this matter. They can start the argument with their mouths and in a moment began to convince with their fists, or via the use of cudgels, the mace, the chair and whatever else they can lay their hands on at that moment. Some other people will grab you, jab their fingers at you, and almost pin your down physically as if that means that they have also overpowered your will to argue back. People who shout and bawl are known to have no objectivity in debates and arguments, and they clearly do not hold on to any real ideal or convictions. They just want to win the argument.

Now, let’s go personal. How do you argue? Are you the quiet, level headed type who is driven to put across rational, unemotional thoughts or are you the bawling, ‘frothing in the mouth’ person who does not care how he wins the argument as long as he believes he has won? Do you accept a superior point of view or do you continue to stick to your guns no matter what? Do you see things from the other person’s point of view or you are convinced always that you are right? If we argue objectively, then we will most likely not result into yelling and shouting, because we are trying to persuade, not force.

So now, let me hear your views on this? Why do we shout when we argue? Or should I say, why do you shout when you argue?